SHIRLEEN DIGIMOM-JÜRGEN

ICD-10: X08.8XXA + T30.0 + F43.21

Logged off Earth after beta-testing Pastor Dern’s new AI-powered confession app—“Sinsync™”—which accidentally shared her entire 2006 browser history with the Men’s Ashley Madison Recovery Group.

Shirleen refused to believe it wasn’t the Devil himself in the motherboard and attempted to rebuke the algorithm with a scented candle and a prayer shawl made of reclaimed Hobby Lobby yarn. Unbeknownst to Digimom-Jügen, the shawl was made out of Rayon laced with acetate, which when paired with the scented candle, burned down the entire right wing of the church except for the Baptismal that never quiet got to 32 degrees Fahrenheit.

An ill of an old lady on meth
Shirley Digimom Jürgen flying off to Heaven
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Thigville: After hours

Must be 7 in dog years to enter ( or 200 to 500 in Greenland Shark Years)

  • Local Model:

    Pat Myaz

    Pat Myaz

    Her first big break came not with Pillow Sins but at the Speedee Mart in Spencer, Nebraska, where she learned the art of restocking Slim Jims and dodging men who thought “goth” meant “up for grabs.” With enough shifts mislabeled as “part time,” she scraped together $74.99 for a Glamour Shots session at the Norfolk…

    Read more: Pat Myaz

  • Local Model:

    Tammy LeCroix

    Tammy LeCroix

    She took a vow early—not of silence but of service—and became a chaplain aboard a naval vessel full of seamen. For decades she gave sermons in the stern and counsel in the bow, before realizing that her pension would barely buy enough Vienna sausages to last a season

    Read more: Tammy LeCroix

  • Local Model:

    Misty Muffington

    Misty Muffington

    Misty Muffington (born Mistella Jean Muffington) first took her breaths in the back of a borrowed El Camino during the Possum Trot County Pig Roast of 1977. Legend has it her first cry synced perfectly with a fiddle solo of “Rocky Top,” ensuring her future as a local folk tale wrapped in hosiery.

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Breaking News! Eventually

Inmate and dating roster

Meet hot singles (with bail) in your area, tonight!

🍎 Notes From Mrs. Pickens, 3rd Grade Art Teacher

OBITS

Those that have gone on to visit The Jesus.

  • REMEMBERING

    Darla Fangtasy Jean

    Darla Fangtasy Jean

    Darla Fangtasy Jean died Friday on a church mission trip to Panama City Beach. The moment she stepped off the church bus into the noon sun, she erupted like a frog that swallowed dynamite in a Home Depot bucket sloshing with premium gasoline. She had only just renounced her long devotion to vampirism, declaring herself…

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  • REMEMBERING

    Duck Tails

    Duck Tails

    Ed Lane sunk straight to heaven on Sunday afternoon after his green jon boat was capsized by an irate Southern Buffleheaded Duck while he was catfishing without a license

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  • COD:

    REMEMBERING

    Common Sense

    Common Sense

    Common American Sense passed away this week, last seen clutching a Value Meal in the fluorescent glow of a gas station “deli.” Though it once thrived on gardens, neighbors, and paychecks that covered emergencies, Common Sense fell into decline after being force-fed Dollar Menu dinners and told to wait six weeks for an insurance approval…

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Minutes From The Gripevine App

  • WiccaNubber

    "

    I spend $12,000 a year on cobwebbing and strobe lights. The kids call me “Queen of Scream.” Last year my electric bill was $840 in October alone. If you’re not prepared to go bankrupt, maybe you don’t DESERVE Halloween.
    Read more: WiccaNubber
  • Darren Boodad

    "

    My yard has 72 animatronics, 9 fog machines, and a blood fountain synced to the Stranger Things soundtrack. If your toddler cries that’s YOUR fault for not teaching courage. This is AMERICA and I will exercise my right to traumatize.
    Read more: Darren Boodad
  • Dale from Dale’s Shop

    "

    Why does everybody decorate a month early??? I drove home from Dollar General and thought the rapture hit cause every lawn got ghosts and skeletons already. ITS SEPTEMBER. Can’t yall let Labor Day COOL OFF before u summon demons???
    Read more: Dale from Dale’s Shop