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Hyper Local News

Homegrown stories, farmed and processed for peak authenticity.

Last Week’s Breaking News…eventually

whine From The Gripevine

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69 Exxon Trace

HALLOWeen is a high holy day for WICCANS and LIBERALS. Candy corn is a gateway to SATAN. Ezekiel 23:20 warns of donkeys, and guess what, that’s the Democrat mascot. WAKE UP SHEEPLE.

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🪦 Obits

Death claimed 391 lives year in Thigville and still remains it’s #1 killer.

  • Gone Off To See The Jesus

    Darla Fangtasy Jean

    Obits

    Darla Fangtasy Jean

    Darla Fangtasy Jean died Friday on a church mission trip to Panama City Beach. The moment she stepped off the church bus into the noon sun, she erupted like a frog that swallowed dynamite in a Home Depot bucket sloshing with premium gasoline. She had only just renounced her long devotion to vampirism, declaring herself […]

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☠ Inmate and Dating Roster

Meet Hot Singles in your area jail

  • Rex “Peace Out” Paducah

    Rex “Peace Out” Paducah

    Parole & Passion

    ,

    Case Number: CHKN-4421 Name: Rex “Peace Out” Paducah Age: 46 Height: 5’10” Location: Paducah, KY CHARGED: Subject was taken into custody following multiple civilian complaints at the McCracken County Livestock Exposition. According to sworn witness statements, Paducah engaged in repeated non-standard hand gesturing, specifically the formation of a “V-sign” delivered without interdigit spacing, hereafter referred […]

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☠ Mrs. Pickens Body Count

3rd Grade Art Teacher Progress Reports

🎬 N ow Playing

The latest movie reviews

  • PADDLEBOY

    PADDLEBOY

    Thigville Movies

    Paddleboy is the story of a boy who becomes a man. He replaces one of his arms with a paddle. He lives with this choice. His life is shown in a sequence of days. He walks, he sits, he floats on water. Nothing happens quickly. Tommy Wiseau appears in several scenes. Samwell Tarly is also present, playing himself. Hilary Duff wrote the music by asking ChatGPT how to do it. The film is quiet and slow. It is about the paddle.

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❤️Pillow Sins

Must be 7 in dog years to enter

  • Pat Myaz

    A silhouette of a couple embracing against a vibrant sunset backdrop with warm orange and purple hues.

    Pillow Sins Magazine

    Her first big break came not with Pillow Sins but at the Speedee Mart in Spencer, Nebraska, where she learned the art of restocking Slim Jims and dodging men who thought “goth” meant “up for grabs.” With enough shifts mislabeled as “part time,” she scraped together $74.99 for a Glamour Shots session at the Norfolk mall. Those boudoir-style photos (turtleneck, teased bangs, one hand on cheek like a Sears catalog siren) secured her entry into the infamous “Miss New Braska” contest.

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