this is not what you think it’s not
“Do You Buy Your Pants on Sale? ‘Cause At My House, They’d Be 100% Off!” – Brad “Lone Shark” Fruitdale, Hiltonia, Ga
Written and Illustrated by Scott Thigpen
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3rd Art Grade Teacher roast Thigville’s students
Death claimed 391 lives year in Thigville and still remains it’s #1 killer.
Gone Off To See The Jesus
Darla Fangtasy Jean died Friday on a church mission trip to Panama City Beach. The moment she stepped off the church bus into the noon sun, she erupted like a frog that swallowed dynamite in a Home Depot bucket sloshing with premium gasoline. She had only just renounced her long devotion to vampirism, declaring herself […]
Ed Lane sunk straight to heaven on Sunday afternoon after his green jon boat was capsized by an irate Southern Buffleheaded Duck while he was…
Common American Sense passed away this week, last seen clutching a Value Meal in the fluorescent glow of a gas station “deli.” Though it once…
Meet Hot Singles in your area jail
Case Number: CHKN-4421 Name: Rex “Peace Out” Paducah Age: 46 Height: 5’10” Location: Paducah, KY CHARGED: Subject was taken into custody following multiple civilian complaints at the McCracken County Livestock Exposition. According to sworn witness statements, Paducah engaged in repeated non-standard hand gesturing, specifically the formation of a “V-sign” delivered without interdigit spacing, hereafter referred […]
Charged: Eating Nashville hot fried chicken with a fork, in Georgia. Ordinance 61-01 (1961) Looking for: A woman with a good outer layer of chitin,…
Charged: Stalking a Circle K parking lot in a bathrobe yelling “Inferno!” with a Super Soaker full of gasoline.
3rd Grade Art Teacher Progress Reports
Thig’s latest attempt at portraiture has left me questioning both hygiene and intent. What was handed in looks less like a drawing and more like the aftermath of a clogged drain. Imagine a ball of public restroom hair with two startled eyes Sharpied onto it. That is the “face” your child has submitted for grading. Bless their confused heart, but this belongs in the museum of mistakes.
As for career prospects, let’s not talk about art. Thig is far better suited for Olympic glass-door collisions, which he has been training for daily…
At one point in my career, I witnessed an AI produce a horse with six legs and a face like melting clay. And yet, I…
The latest movie reviews
Thigville Movies
Paddleboy is the story of a boy who becomes a man. He replaces one of his arms with a paddle. He lives with this choice. His life is shown in a sequence of days. He walks, he sits, he floats on water. Nothing happens quickly. Tommy Wiseau appears in several scenes. Samwell Tarly is also present, playing himself. Hilary Duff wrote the music by asking ChatGPT how to do it. The film is quiet and slow. It is about the paddle.
A grieving father drags a sack of Yukon Golds through an endless forest, only to realize the sack is dragging him. The film asks the…
“The Rocky Horrow Sewer Show represents an exciting synergistic expansion of an established IP into an untapped vertical: wastewater musicals. By combining proven cult nostalgia…
After a messy breakup with a female and a gym injury that cost him his gains, ex-Marine Navel Officer Kyle Maddox takes a grueling night…
Must be 7 in dog years to enter
Her first big break came not with Pillow Sins but at the Speedee Mart in Spencer, Nebraska, where she learned the art of restocking Slim Jims and dodging men who thought “goth” meant “up for grabs.” With enough shifts mislabeled as “part time,” she scraped together $74.99 for a Glamour Shots session at the Norfolk mall. Those boudoir-style photos (turtleneck, teased bangs, one hand on cheek like a Sears catalog siren) secured her entry into the infamous “Miss New Braska” contest.
She took a vow early—not of silence but of service—and became a chaplain aboard a naval vessel full of seamen. For decades she gave sermons…
Misty Muffington (born Mistella Jean Muffington) first took her breaths in the back of a borrowed El Camino during the Possum Trot County Pig Roast…
“This Snipe woman’s here.” Ten minutes later she was under a motel lamp with a carton of Marlboros and a can of Aqua Net, and…
