| Title | Movie Title |
|---|---|
| Rating | -6/10 |
| Director | Uwe Boll |
| Stars | Russel Brand, Mel Gibson, JoJo Siwa |
| Genre | Thriller |
| Summary | When retired angel wrangler Duke Velour (Mel Gibson) is forced back into celestial service after the souls of Florida’s Space Coast are accidentally taxidermied into commemorative bobbleheads, he must team up with washed-up spiritual influencer Kale Strychnine (Russell Brand) and 14-year-old light-speed TikTok dance champion Blorple Siwa (Jojo Siwa, in her first role as a sentient vape cloud). Together, they travel across the astral plane on a muscle-car-shaped comet, stopping an ancient order of cosmic chiropractors from aligning humanity into a single, throbbing spine of compliance. Will they make it back before Sunday dinner? Will Duke’s mullet defy gravity? Will Blorple finish her viral “orb slap” challenge in time to save Earth’s algorithm? The stars have been stuffed. And it’s time to mount the truth. |
| Rated | G |
| Trivia | In 2006, Gibson was arrested for DUI and went on a now-infamous antisemitic tirade, blaming Jews for “all the wars in the world.” That alone should’ve sent him straight to the Hollywood Phantom Zone, but instead he got a timeout and a slap on the wrist. Then came the leaked phone calls with his ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva in 2010, where he unleashed a series of racist, misogynistic, and violent rants. It wasn’t even a bad day—it was like he turned his soul inside out and left it on speakerphone. Don’t forget his long history of homophobic comments, including those from a 1991 interview with El País, which he later tried to walk back with all the grace of a flaming shopping cart rolling into traffic. |
| Reviews | |
| MOVIESPREME | "This is what happens when someone smokes a Holy Bible wrapped in ayahuasca and watches Footloose backwards. Uwe Boll has done the impossible—made a movie that is technically illegal in three counties and spiritually uplifting in two. I cried when the possum spoke Latin." ★★★★½ |
| Eggs, Cheese, PBR, Diet Pepsi One | "ON SUNDAY NITES WHEN THE KIDS ARE SLEEPING ME AND THE OLD LADY WATCH THE TV. THE OTHER DAY THIS CELESTRIAL TAXIDERMY CAME ON AND WE WATCHED IT. NOTHING BUT SIN, MEL GIBSON WAS REDICLOUS AND RUSSLE BRANT IS NOT FUNNY. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A JOJO IS AND WHY IS IT DANCIN. we need movies like they had back when movies had real men like JON WANE AND RANDOLF SCOTT. ANYWAY DON'T watch this movie unless you LIKE SEEING SECTS A LOT BECAUSE EVERYONE IN THE MOVIE R?UNNIN AROUND IN THEY UNDERGARMETS. IVE BEEN IN PRAYER BOUT WHAT I SAW N WHAT I SEEN WAS BARE ASS CHEEKS CAUSIN ME FORNICATIVE THOTS" ★★★ |
| @RealDebbieInChrist | "MY PRIEST SAID DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE BUT I DID ANYWAY AND NOW I HAVE STIGMATA IN MY EARS. JOJO SIWA IS A DEMON TWIG. THE DEVIL WAS DOING DANCE BATTLES. I THREW UP ON MY HUSBAND." ★★ |
