A local cryptid scare has taken a strange turn after multiple residents reported seeing Cthulhu infected with a rare virus that appears to be…
Article written and illustrated by Scott Thigpen
Rabbit Hash officials warn: ‘Do not pet the Ether Bunny.’
by: Kayleigh Anne Silvery | Posted: Aug 17, 2025 / 08:14 PM CDT
RABBIT HASH, KY (where only dogs are elected mayor) — A local cryptid scare has taken a strange turn after multiple residents reported seeing Cthulhu infected with a rare virus that appears to be turning “The Old One” into a cotton-tailed rabbit.
Written and Illustrated by Scott Thigpen. Edited by Heather Herrington
Cryptozoologists have tentatively identified the illness as Smnugglepox, a condition usually found in Hallmark Easter specials, not in cosmic entities from “Beyond the Ether.”
Sarah “Nightshade” Smith, a 16-year-old student and president of the high school Disdain Club said:
“I always hoped Cthulhu would drown us in black sludge of nothingness… not hop around like the Easter Bunny at a church potluck,”
In an emotional and reactive panic, town leaders announced the creation of the National Anomaly Defense Squad (NADS). Despite the formal name, the operation only consists of Dale from Dale’s Bait and Tackle, armed with rifles rented from local prepper Pepper Pat, owner of Pepper Pat Prep Products and Fish Pedis.
When asked what NADS mission was, Dale gave this in-depth response:
” …gonna shoot the ugly clean off that sumbitch”.
Law Enforcement
Deputy Ortiz urged residents not to approach Cthulhu even if it looks like a harmless little bunny.
“We’re telling folks not to take selfies with the ‘Ether Bunny.’ I guaran-damn-tee you that bunny is the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on,”
Local resident Robin D. Braive joked saying, “What? Is he gonna nibble my butt?” as he reached down to pet the Elder One.
Braive has not been seen since.
City Hall
Dog Mayor, “Banjo ‘Goodest Boy’ Ruffington” briefly addressed reporters, declaring it was “heckin’ time to get RUFF ON CRIME,” before circling the podium three times and falling asleep in the sunshine, which went viral on neighborhood apps like “The Gripevine” with:
“TIPICAL POLTISHIN ASLEEP WHEN AMARKINS NEED HELP! HASHTAG STOPPOOPININMYYARD#
Local Panic
Ovum Donor, Aunt Peepaw, reached during the third smoke break of her part-time gig down at Dale’s Bait and Tackle, offered a warning of length:
“Don’t never trust no bunny, energized without no vibratin’ bluetooth because the second you do, it’ll feel like you’re watching Smokey and the Bandit while straddling a pistol grip stick shift in a 1970 Plymouth Road Runner Superbird with the 440 Sixpack, three Holleys singin’ AND shakin’ the motel windows ten blocks away when your boyfriend Dale… from Dale’s Bait and Tackle… slams his right Buckaroo Boot on the gas and you think it’s a vibrant 9.0 on the Richter scale while screaming “GLORY HALLELUJAH!!”
… but then next thing you know it’s wrigglin’ a tentacle in every holy opening the good Lord ever poked into you, like how they has tentacles in them hen-tie movies they only sell behind the black curtain at the gas station where pastor Rayford Jugglims of Mount Sinai Gun & Pawn rents out one of them hen tie tentacle movies so he can go home and shake his RC Cola until the top pops off, baptizing the tv in holy corn syrup, then the next Sunday he’ll just be a preachin’ about the evils of Hen Tie Tentacle movies like it’s one of them Labubu dolls that are infecting kids’ brains with satanic thots, you know like how the beanie babies infected adults’ brains back in the early 2ks like, ‘Ha-ha how much is that Princess Diana Beanie Baby now, Carol? Huh?? I bet you feel bad stealing that from me now and it’s WORTHLESS!’…
Officials say the “cute” symptoms may fade once Cthulhu’s rage is reawakened, which generally only happens when a techbro parks his Cybertruck in a compact car space.
Until then (and forever), residents are urged not to approach the creature, regardless of how “adorable” it appears.
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Coming Up Next
Survey reveals 43% of Americans would leave their partner for $1 million — or maybe just a single tank of unleaded. Film at 11.
Between The Scenes:
I draw all my own scenes. Cthulu Bunny was exceptionally fun to draw, here’s the process in 30 seconds.
And the Irish Luchador Centaur was no walk in the park to draw but very fun.
This was hell to draw
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Note: everyone in Thigville is imaginary, including the metrics.
I spend $12,000 a year on cobwebbing and strobe lights. The kids call me “Queen of Scream.” Last year my electric bill was $840 in October alone. If you’re not prepared to go bankrupt, maybe you don’t DESERVE Halloween.
My yard has 72 animatronics, 9 fog machines, and a blood fountain synced to the Stranger Things soundtrack. If your toddler cries that’s YOUR fault for not teaching courage. This is AMERICA and I will exercise my right to traumatize.
Why does everybody decorate a month early??? I drove home from Dollar General and thought the rapture hit cause every lawn got ghosts and skeletons already. ITS SEPTEMBER. Can’t yall let Labor Day COOL OFF before u summon demons???
real small towns with fake stories by fake people with real heart.
These fake beings existed in my real head but it started getting overcrowded in my noggin. So to make some room, I built them a fake world they could live in.
