this is not what you think it is. This is something else and you shouldn't be here.

Back in my day we got 1 dumdum sucker and a pencil from the dentist and we were THANKFUL. Now kids expect KitKats the size of a Bible and their parents venmo tips. What’s next, health insurance for fun size Snickers?

TIPICAL POLTISHIN ASLEEP WHEN 🇺🇸 AMERINCAS 🇺🇸 NEED HELP! HASHTAG STOPPOOPININMYYARD#

Ezekiel 23:20 ain’t about donkey parts like libs try to joke—it’s prophecy. Donkey = Democrat. The “eMissions” part? That’s their dirty Hollywood values spilling into our homes thru Disney+. The Bible WARNED us. Put parental locks on your Roku and repent.

Why does everybody decorate a month early??? I drove home from Dollar General and thought the rapture hit cause every lawn got ghosts and skeletons already. ITS SEPTEMBER. Can’t yall let Labor Day COOL OFF before u summon demons???

DONO'T EAT NO SHRIMP NOMORE. my cousin ate 3 popcorn ones at walmart buffet and now hes speaking in PRAWNOUNS!!!. this is how they get ya.

I TOLD yall about Joel Osteen already. Now Aunt Peepaw says it too. If you give him money your shrimp will MELT in the freezer.

Cracklin barrel done changed the LOGO. was fine before but now it looks like a SATANIC QR CODE. no wonder the shrimp are mutating.

the new smart speed-bump just emailed me a $20 over-walking ticket for strolling past at 4 mph. i wasn’t even in my car, so that’s entrapmint and phishing. city hall calls it a “pilot program,” which we all know means drone-surveilence. “liberty sleeps when asphalt spies,” — thomas jefferson (beta).

HEY FOLKS, WHOEVER’S DRONE LANDED IN MY BIRD BATH LAST NIGHT LEFT A BLINKIN’ RED EYE STARIN’ INTO MY BEDROOM, DURIN PILLOW TALK TIME WITH THE OLD LADY. NOW THE RUSSIANS DONE KNOWN WE WAS BUMPIN UGLIES NOW FOR THE WOLRD 2 C!