Dear Keepers of Thig’s dominant hand,
This drawing vomited onto my desk like a kitten that had that just learned about strangulation for the first time, right after it swallowed a ball of yarn. The pose says, “I’m here to fork your eyes out,” but the execution says, “No really, I’m here to FORK your ‘MOTHER-FATHER’ ocular ship-balls out of your skull”
Speaking of those Dollar General Corneas that have been thrust into your child’s skull, the eye in this “art” piece looks like what would happen if Anna Taylor Joy and Sammy Davis Jr had a son that loves drag for the gaze. These aren’t bedroom eyes, it’s more like an eye-witness saying “he went these ways.”
The fishnet stockings that have captured the thighs that look like a pair of Moby Dicks who just gave up on life and said “hey let’s just be legs in one of Thig’s art pieces instead,” and the cigarette holder looks like a Chick-O-Stick that was set on fire.
In the future, perhaps your child could try completing the actual assignment, which was to draw a duck, not a person whose eyes resided in different time zones from each other.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Pickens, 3rd Grade Art Teacher.
