Charged: Eating Nashville hot fried chicken with a fork, in Georgia. Ordinance 61-01 (1961)
Marital Status: doesn’t recognize marriage as a sanctioned union
Offspring: Kaylen and his sister Braiiylan have three conjoined children.
Hobbies: rhino beetle trainer for the Kabutomushi Beetle Championships
Looking for: A woman with a good outer layer of chitin, a waist in the shape of a thorax and her pronotum screwed on right.
Chicken Run Trivia
In 2009, Gainesville, Georgia briefly made national headlines when 91-year-old Ginny Dietrick of Louisiana was “arrested” at Longstreet Café for eating fried chicken with a fork. The whole thing was a staged gag to celebrate Gainesville’s quirky 1961 ordinance declaring fried chicken a finger food. The mayor quickly pardoned her, and the Georgia Poultry Federation even crowned her an Honorary Georgia Poultry Princess on the spot. Dietrick laughed it off, proving that sometimes small-town PR stunts can turn into legendary bits of Southern charm. Source
Her first big break came not with Pillow Sins but at the Speedee Mart in Spencer, Nebraska, where she learned the art of restocking Slim Jims and dodging men who thought “goth” meant “up for grabs.” With enough shifts mislabeled as “part time,” she scraped together $74.99 for a Glamour Shots session at the Norfolk…
She took a vow early—not of silence but of service—and became a chaplain aboard a naval vessel full of seamen. For decades she gave sermons in the stern and counsel in the bow, before realizing that her pension would barely buy enough Vienna sausages to last a season
Misty Muffington (born Mistella Jean Muffington) first took her breaths in the back of a borrowed El Camino during the Possum Trot County Pig Roast of 1977. Legend has it her first cry synced perfectly with a fiddle solo of “Rocky Top,” ensuring her future as a local folk tale wrapped in hosiery.
Case Number: CHKN-4421 Name: Rex “Peace Out” Paducah Age: 46 Height: 5’10” Location: Paducah, KY CHARGED: Subject was taken into custody following multiple civilian complaints at the McCracken County Livestock Exposition. According to sworn witness statements, Paducah engaged in repeated non-standard hand gesturing, specifically the formation of a “V-sign” delivered without interdigit spacing, hereafter referred…
Charged: Eating Nashville hot fried chicken with a fork, in Georgia. Ordinance 61-01 (1961) Looking for: A woman with a good outer layer of chitin, a waist in the shape of a thorax and her pronotum screwed on right.
Darla Fangtasy Jean died Friday on a church mission trip to Panama City Beach. The moment she stepped off the church bus into the noon sun, she erupted like a frog that swallowed dynamite in a Home Depot bucket sloshing with premium gasoline. She had only just renounced her long devotion to vampirism, declaring herself…
Ed Lane sunk straight to heaven on Sunday afternoon after his green jon boat was capsized by an irate Southern Buffleheaded Duck while he was catfishing without a license
Common American Sense passed away this week, last seen clutching a Value Meal in the fluorescent glow of a gas station “deli.” Though it once thrived on gardens, neighbors, and paychecks that covered emergencies, Common Sense fell into decline after being force-fed Dollar Menu dinners and told to wait six weeks for an insurance approval…
I spend $12,000 a year on cobwebbing and strobe lights. The kids call me “Queen of Scream.” Last year my electric bill was $840 in October alone. If you’re not prepared to go bankrupt, maybe you don’t DESERVE Halloween.
My yard has 72 animatronics, 9 fog machines, and a blood fountain synced to the Stranger Things soundtrack. If your toddler cries that’s YOUR fault for not teaching courage. This is AMERICA and I will exercise my right to traumatize.
Why does everybody decorate a month early??? I drove home from Dollar General and thought the rapture hit cause every lawn got ghosts and skeletons already. ITS SEPTEMBER. Can’t yall let Labor Day COOL OFF before u summon demons???
real small towns with fake stories by fake people with real heart.
These fake beings existed in my real head but it started getting overcrowded in my noggin. So to make some room, I built them a fake world they could live in.
