After a messy breakup with a female and a gym injury that cost him his gains, ex-Marine Navel Officer Kyle Maddox takes a grueling night job hauling freight on an old tugboat. But when a monstrous creature attacks, Kyle must rediscover his primal strength to fight back. Armed only with his biceps, a crowbar, and unshakable confidence of every mediocre white man, Kyle rallies the crew to take on the beast head-on. Will his raw masculinity be enough to conquer the nightmare beneath the water, or will this tugboat sink like every beta before him?
| Title | The Tugboat of Terror |
|---|---|
| Rating | -134/10 |
| Director | Too Embarrassed To Reveal Himself |
| Stars | Judge Reinhold, Thora Birch, Emmanuel Lewis, Carly Rae Japsen |
| Genre | Comedy |
| Summary | After a messy breakup with a female and a gym injury that cost him his gains, ex-Marine Navel Officer Kyle Maddox takes a grueling night job hauling freight on an old tugboat. But when a monstrous creature attacks, Kyle must rediscover his primal strength to fight back. Armed only with his biceps, a crowbar, and unshakable confidence of every mediocre white man, Kyle rallies the crew to take on the beast head-on. Will his raw masculinity be enough to conquer the nightmare beneath the water, or will this tugboat sink like every beta before him? |
| Rated | G |
| Trivia | Thora Birch refused to act opposite the “tentacle,” claiming it looked “too erotic.” The director replaced her with a length of garden hose painted pink for half the movie. The lead actor, Kyle Maddox, wasn’t an actor at all — just a man the producers found arguing with a Planet Fitness manager. A production assistant fell into the river and was gone for 14 minutes. When he came back, he was fluent in Portuguese. The director was hospitalized after being struck by a rogue fan boat. The fan boat was not part of the production. One of the “tentacle” props was stolen and later used in a Sonic Drive-In commercial. |
| Reviews | |
| Ray From Accounts | THIS MOVIE IS SATAN ON A BOAT. HOLLYWOOD WANTS YOUR GRANDKIDS TO MARRY SQUIDS. NOT IN MY AMERIKA. BACK IN MY DAY WE HAD JAWS AND IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH. CANCEL THIS TRASH |
| TottallyBangFemalez69 | If the tugboat had been a strong independent woman tugboat, maybe she wouldn’t have needed Kyle Maddox to save her. I cry every time women aren’t centered. Please DM me if you’d like to discuss this further. |
| WomansplainerOkeefe | The real terror isn’t the tentacle monster. It’s the fact that Hollywood keeps centering cis male protagonists when we’ve been BEGGING for diverse aquatic representation. Until I see a queer tugboat, this industry is canceled. |
