Under the vigilant care of her geriatric nurse practitioner, Prudence “Cherry Bomb” McGuillicuddy reached her end on July 1th in Monkey’s Eyebrow Kentucky. Despite a regimen of baby aspirin, staten, Omesarten blood pressure medicine, vape, thc, a couple of ponies of Maker’s Mark and bedtime chamomile tea, she forgot the cardinal rule of flammable cosmetics.
A lit cigarette ignited the volatile solvents in her beloved Divine Shine pomade and induced immediate follicular combustion. Burned hair smell has blanketed Monkey’s Eyebrow.
Comfort-only protocols kicked in. We administered oral morphine and recited psalms while the few remaining embers of her life burned out. She had signed a do-not-resuscitate order but it made no provision for hair emergencies. She leaves behind two bags of potting soil, an Indigo Girl’s Greatest Hit Cassette and gently used battery operated Rabbit from Adam and Eve.
Like the Pheonix and Michael Jackson, may her spirit rise from the embers of her still burning hair extensions.