Case Number: FL1CKRM4N
Name: Darrell “Drivethru” Peepinhouse
Age: 44 (claims he’s “forever premiere night”)
Height: 5′11″ without gear, 6′3″ with head-mounted GoPro rig
Location: Crump, Tennessee – population 1,417 (plus one guy with a drone addiction)
CHARGED:
Booked for “excessive photographic documentation of concession-based cinema rituals.” Arrested after taking 137 consecutive flash photos of his cheddar-dusted popcorn during Garfield 2 at the local drive-in, while whispering commentary like “This one’s got emotional depth” into a lav mic taped to his neck. Third offense.
Marital Status: Technically single but has a picture of Kathy Ireland from Sports Illustrated Magazine in his Hip Pack
Offspring: One ferret named Shia that he refers to as “the heir”
Hobbies: Rewatching The Fast and the Furious but only for the lighting, moderating a 14-member Facebook group called “Snackfluencer Nation,” and airbrushing flames on things that shouldn’t have flames (Shia*)
Looking for:
“Anything female I can hit it with.” Must enjoy drive-in theaters, tolerate heavy breathing, and be cool with a man who owns a fog machine named Meagan Fox. No drama queens unless it’s on-screen.
You bring the passion. I’ll bring the projector. 🎥💔🍿
