📍Malvern, Alabama (home of Jim Nabors)
9:42 p.m. — Deputy Ortiz issued a public advisory reminding citizens that pants remain required when frying bacon.
8:17 p.m. — Deputies received reports of multiple individuals attempting a TikTok trend known as “Donald Ducking It.” Thousand of pantless incidents noted within city limits.
8:16 p.m. — Aunt Peepaw’s TokTok video of the pantless man goes viral with caption “Duck Tales Woo-oo!”
7:31 p.m. — Mayor Humboldt addressed citizens on the importance of “law, order, and zippers up.” Remarks were interrupted when Aunt Peepaw referenced a previous motel incident involving the mayor’s zipper down.
6:02 p.m. — Deputies detained a 42-year-old male advertising himself as a “support husband” outside CB’s Family Restaurant. Officer noted difficulty applying cuffs due to an additional protrusion in the suspect’s front reproductive area.
5:44 p.m. — Officers responded to multiple calls from lonely women with children reporting a man without pants offering companionship services in a retail parking lot. Witnesses described him as “cordial but underdressed.”
4:11 p.m. — Aunt Peepaw was observed filming the pantless suspect. She advised deputies she was “documenting for church records and personal interests.”
2:56 p.m. — The suspect was seen holding a handwritten sign offering to “load groceries, rub your shoulders, make dinner and listen to you.” Sign was constructed from a flattened Little Debbie snack cake box.
1:22 p.m. — Initial report of a 42-year-old male standing outside Annie Pearl’s Home Cooking, without pants, advertising himself as an “emotional support husband.” Complaint originated from store management’s wife.
