Case Number: T1DE-P0D88
Name: Tiffani-Bree Hollister (she/her, depends)
Age: 31 (but the eyeliner says 22)
Height: 5′4″
Location: Dime Box, Texas – pop. 378
CHARGED: Selling DIY “essential-oil Roll Tide Pods” as edible detox cleanse outside the Dollar General. Second offense.
Marital Status: “Facebook-official with God, it’s complicated with Darius.”
Offspring: One toddler, one feral cat, one Tamagotchi named Other Darius (RIP).
Hobbies: Crochet beer-koozies, reenacting TikTok dance trends at funerals while laughing.
Looking for: Somebody who’ll babysit me more than the kid. Swipe if u ain’t scurred!!!!