He said he was having an affair to cover up the concert
ORME, TN — Nickelback’s “All the Hits, Both of Them” reunion tour limped into Orme’s municipal playground Thursday night, and things somehow got even sadder from there.
So Complicated
Local streamer “@MyNameIsDefinitelyNotRayJibblimsDotCom” was deep into MILF Manor II when his Ring camera—facing the teeter-totter stage—pinged at 8:12 p.m. The grainy 320 × 480 clip shows a man resembling local entrepreneur Clark Rint, 44, founder of breathable-AI firm Ai.r, pacing beneath the monkey bars clutching two VIP lanyards.
“Looked exactly like that local tech boy,” User @DefinitelyNotRayJibblims posted on Nextdoor. “Video hit 20 views in five minutes, right after Clayreen reset the Wi-Fi and yelled, ‘IS THE LIGHT BLANKIN’ YET?’”
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Bois Lie
Confronted by our very tired field reporter Kayleen-Anne Blakely, Rint offered a defense both creative and doomed:
“Somebody broke into my GMC Sierra 1500 Denali Ultimate AEV Edition and left Nickelback tickets in the front seat. I knew my wife would never approve, so I texted her I was having an affair with the HR rep at Luv Tigress Novelty & Vape down on Hewglys Road. Adultery’s forgivable; Nickelback ain’t.”
Mrs. Rint recognized her husband instantly:
“One arm’s longer; can’t miss it.”
She dialed the billboard lawyer promising an expensive divorce full of expletive words and forecasts to be Orme’s first-ever “hundredaire.”
Burn It to the Ground
Deputy Ortiz cuffed Rint halfway through “Photograph.”
“Infidelity’s legal,” Ortiz noted. “Nickelback attendance carries a mandatory ten-day hold and automatic spousal ejection. State law since ’09, when Nickelback first toured through here and fives of people showed up.”
The unnamed “other woman,” still holding a Western Sizzlin’ coupon, told reporters:
“He said steak and some spatchcockin’ lessons. This ain’t cockin’. It’s like what the kids say—‘it’s catfishin’, fam.’”
Love It When You Hate Me
Mayor Humboldt declared a town-wide Nickelback moratorium—“except Tuesdays at the VFW Bingo Night and Avril Trivia.” Ordinance §12-B threatens $75 fines per chorus of “Rockstar.”
When asked if Ms. Rint would ever take Clark back, she responded with the words of Poet Laureate Avril Lavigne:
“It’s complicated.”
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“Things I’ll Never Say”
Rint has issued an apology on the Nickelback-preferred platform, X, with this statement:
From Clark Rint — Founder & Chief Oxygen Officer, Ai.r
Orme, Tennessee • 19 July 2025
I’ve seen the Ring-cam clip—the playground, the Nickelback lanyards, my excited face frozen in 320 × 480 infamy—and I understand the disappointment it triggered for my wife, my colleagues, and anyone who expected steadier judgment from me.
The truth is simple: I wanted one evening of throwback music. I chose secrecy over conversation, and that choice was perceived by many as wrong. If you felt let down, I hear it—clearly—and I’m not proud of the signal I sent.
To address the gap, I’m entering a 48-hour Reflect–Repent–Reboot™ sprint.
And as a famous musician once said:
“Never made it as a wise man, I couldn’t cut it as a poor man stealing. It’s not like you to say ‘sorry’—I was waitin’ on a different story.”
I hope this is how you remind me of what I really am.
Still ahead: Clark Rint’s burner email from the Dolly Madison Pie Affair surfaces—turns out “Hot4HoHos69” was anything but discreet.
