"If you can’t hear the truth, turn up your ears." – Abraham Lincoln, Duck Dynasty
Must be 7 in dog years to enter ( or 200 to 500 in Greenland Shark Years)
Local Model:
Her first big break came not with Pillow Sins but at the Speedee Mart in Spencer, Nebraska, where she learned the art of restocking Slim Jims and dodging men who thought “goth” meant “up for grabs.” With enough shifts mislabeled as “part time,” she scraped together $74.99 for a Glamour Shots session at the Norfolk…
Local Model:
She took a vow early—not of silence but of service—and became a chaplain aboard a naval vessel full of seamen. For decades she gave sermons in the stern and counsel in the bow, before realizing that her pension would barely buy enough Vienna sausages to last a season
Local Model:
Misty Muffington (born Mistella Jean Muffington) first took her breaths in the back of a borrowed El Camino during the Possum Trot County Pig Roast of 1977. Legend has it her first cry synced perfectly with a fiddle solo of “Rocky Top,” ensuring her future as a local folk tale wrapped in hosiery.
Breaking News! Eventually
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“Do You Buy Your Pants on Sale? ‘Cause At My House, They’d Be 100% Off!” – Brad “Lone Shark” Fruitdale,…
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Blind bathroom sprint ends in splash damage The Gulf was out. John insists the ocean is filled with “homosexuwhales” that’ll…
