Misty Muffington (born Mistella Jean Muffington) first took her breaths in the back of a borrowed El Camino during the Possum Trot County Pig Roast of 1977. Legend has it her first cry synced perfectly with a fiddle solo of “Rocky Top,” ensuring her future as a local folk tale wrapped in hosiery.

She grew up bouncing between double-wides and revival tents, known for her uncanny ability to hawk raffle tickets while chewing three sticks of Juicy Fruit at once. At Mule Foot High, she lettered in baton twirl, spelling bee, and “Unofficial Locker Room Towel Girl.” Despite missing an entire semester to “study abroad in Gatlinburg,” she graduated on time, owing much to her extracurricular credits in frog-gigging and hot-dish competitions.

Muffington’s career began as a “Window Display Angel” at Don’s Tractor Supply, where she modeled baling twine bras and Carhartt cut-offs. Her big break came when she was spotted buttering cornbread at the Mid-South Truck Jamboree. Within a week, Pillow Sins signed her to their first ever “Muff-Monthly,” featuring her in the now infamous “Haystack Recliner” spread.

Over 15 years, Misty starred in legendary soft-focus shoots such as Velour in the Barnyard, Quilted Temptations II, and the controversial Pillow Fight at the Pentecostal Lock-In. She toured as a promotional “muff model” for local furniture chains, including the ill-fated Sofa King of Bowling Green. Fans recall her memorable guest spot as “Third Extra, Standing Near Beer Cooler” in Smokey and the Bandit IV (Straight to VHS).

After retiring in 2010, Misty returned to Possum Trot to serve as a pie auctioneer at the county fair, occasionally signing old centerfolds with “Keep it Muffin.” She holds the unofficial record for “Most Biscuits Balanced on Bust” at 23, though locals insist it should have been 24 if the breeze hadn’t interfered.