BIO

Louella “Luau Lou” Regentry spent her first teen summers pricing socket wrenches at Slapout Hardware. One humid July noon, the shop floor turned slick—motor oil met her bare saddle-oxford sole. She went airborne, landed flat, bonking her head.  It was then she saw a vision… the fluorescent lights bloomed into palm leaves, the ceiling fan chanted “aloha, y’all”. When the dizzy settled, she announced a new destiny: Polynesian enchantress and elbow model.

Slapout folks laughed. Lou didn’t. She rinsed off, raided the garden section’s raffia, stitched a skirt, painted two coconuts alabaster, and boarded a Trailways bus marked “Pacific—eventually.” The farthest she got was Biloxi. Close enough for her imagination.

On Gulf-coast boardwalks she perfected a hip roll that caused men to go into forbidden longing which resulted in some divorces and homosexuality. A local Carnie nicknamed her “Hula Lou.”

By 1960 she toured VFW bingo nights on Wednesdays doing her signature swing to the delight of vets everywhere.  She sold selling shots of herself framed by plywood volcanoes. Pillow Sins caught wind after Lou became famous for her backbends while not wearing any nether pants. Cameras clicked, sailors cheered, editors got raises, circulation soared.

Selected accolades

• Featured in Forbidden Tiki Quarterly for men and women who like Subaru cars center spread—page 7½.
• She was “a girl in a skirt” in the direct to video movie, Pulp Friction
• Holds Slapout city record for fastest grass-skirt twirl per minute (uncontested).
• Was Miss Slapout for 2 consecutive years before the accident
• She was “a girl in a skirt but not moving” in the hit movie Backdoor to the Future, after the accident