Earlene Beavers was concieved to a Meatloaf song about love in a an El Camino. Her father, Baldy Beavers, taught her three things:

1. 1. Never vote

She attended Follica Technical School for mortuary cosmetology, where she was a majorette, meth dealer, and once voted “Most Likely…”

Earlene mysteriously disappeared her senior year for exactly 11 months—later revealed to be “an extended internship” at the Greene County Correctional Fashion Pageant.

Her Pillow Sins career began when a freelance bail bondsman sent her a dickpick where she was hospitalized with broken ribs from laughing so hard.

After she escaped from the hospital, she appeared in the magazine “Women in Anime Military Uniforms”. Readers were hypnotized by her three belly buttons revealed in a two-piece and her ability to balance Rosary beads with her her feet. From there, she went on to grace spreads such as “Ranger Rick” (1986) and “National Geographic magazine” (1992).

Earlene also achieved local fame as a contestant in the Regional Cornhole toss, placing 4th after the winner before dropped dead from a steady diet of Ozempic’s Wegovy Energy Bars.

After Pillow Sins, she transitioned into daytime TV appearances, including a short-lived segment on QVC selling “Croth Pot Express” and later reprising her role in “Gone In 69 Seconds”

These days Beavers is a manager for Bhad Bhabie’s new outdoor storage facility, Cache Me Outside ™️