BIO

Louella “Luau Lou” Regentry spent her early teen summers pricing socket wrenches at Slapout Hardware. One humid July day, the shop floor turned slick— motor oil met her bare saddle-oxford sole. She went airborne, landed flat, bonking her head.  It was then that she saw a vision… the fluorescent lights bloomed into palm leaves, and the ceiling fan chanted “aloha, y’all”. When the dizziness settled, she announced her new destiny: Polynesian enchantress and elbow model.

Slapout folks laughed. Lou didn’t. She rinsed off, raided the garden section’s raffia stock, stitched a skirt, painted two coconuts alabaster, and boarded a Trailways bus marked “Pacific— eventually.” The farthest she got was Biloxi. Close enough for her imagination.

On Gulf-coast boardwalks she perfected a hip roll that caused men to lurch into forbidden longing, which resulted in some divorces and of course, homosexuality. A local Carnie nicknamed her “Luau Lou.”

By 1960, Luau Lou had moved on to touring VFW bingo nights, appearing on Wednesday evenings, sharing her signature swing to the delight of veterans everywhere. She sold photos of herself, framed by plywood volcanoes. Pillow Sins caught wind after Lou became famous for her backbends while wearing flesh colored nether pants. Cameras clicked, sailors cheered, editors got raises, circulation soared.

Selected accolades

• Featured in Forbidden Tiki Quarterly For Men And Women Who Like Subaru Cars center spreadpage 7½.
• Portrayed “Woman in a skirt… in distress (or dis dress)” in the direct to video movie, Pulp Friction
• Holds Slapout city record for fastest grass-skirt twirl per minute (uncontested).
• Held “Miss Slapout” title for 2 consecutive years before the accident
• She was “Woman in a skirt but not moving” in the hit movie Backdoor to the Future, after the accident