Feral swamp woman busted for using Al, claims it’s her husband, AL.
CROAKER’S NEST, LA (where frogs can legally marry toads)
In what cryptic scholars are calling “the biggest boglash in bayou history,” a feral woman known only as Jessa Rayn D’Locie has been excommunicated from the frog art scene after accusations that she was using AI to produce frog spouse portraits, and using the money she made to support her Docteur des Yeux studies at Gator Tech College of Vision Science and Wrasslin’, where she was Miss Froggerette (three-time champ at a two-year college).
Turns out, it wasn’t AI. It was Al…her husband, her muse, and the only man in town who refuses to capitalize his own name.
A Game of Croak and Dagger
Before the scandal, D’Locie was the premier portraitist for frog spouses across the bayou. Mated pairs, open-pond triads, polywogorous relationships, even long-distance toads who sent her snail-mail references. The frogs loved her work.
Rumor has it that one frog jumped up and kissed her, changing him into a fair prince named John Snow, who knew nothing and married his Aunt Danny. Asked why, he said he was “trying to keep it in the family.”
D’Locie lived inside a taxidermy Bigfoot assembled and filled with expired soup, lit by lightning bugs duct-taped to Lite Brite pegs. She ate gluten-free moss and used a camo Croc as a brush to paint the frogs.
“I seen one bullfrog named Jerry just sob when he laid eyes on the portrait of his salamander wife,” said Deputy Ortiz, adjusting his belt made of Crocs. “To celebrate, Jerry shared some wine and said how this picture would bring joy to the world…as well as all the fishes in the deep blue sea.”
🤖 The Amphibian Intelligence Conspiracy
All was going great for D’Locie, until a frog shared his wife’s portrait on social media. That’s when Aunt Peepaw made the discovery that all her art had been supplemented by “Al.”
“I was on that ChatRBT askin’ it to generate a nude Troy Landry with a Spanish moss loincloth,” said Peepaw. “And that’s when it told me the secret of the bayou—that D’Locie used Al.”
The accusation spread faster than a dragonfly chased by a methed-out gator on a Swamp Whisperer 2000 airboat. By dusk, D’Locie’s YaHeauxMail inbox was flooded with tadpole poop and meth threats.
“It was my beaux, AL, not AI!” screamed D’Locie in all caps on the NeauxDoor app. “He’s my mon cher, my bog-boi, MY SNUGGLETOAD—NOT AI… A-ELLE!”
But the damage was done. The swamp critters were hopping mad.
The Croak Mob
Mayor Humboldt tried to intervene:
“Under my leadership, we will always uphold the laws of the swamp—I’ll protect whoever donates the most boudin balls to my plate.”
Unconvinced (and confused), the croak mob turned on D’Locie. She lost her sponsors with Zatarain’s, Slap Ya Mama, and T-Boy’s Boudin & Cracklins.
👁️ Where Is She Now?
D’Locie finished her Diplôme des Yeaux Sauvages at Gator Tech and is now a licensed Optfrogmetrist, helping amphibians afflicted with Mudcular Degeneration.
Her snuggletoad, AL, went on to work with George Rodrigue on his new Blue Frog exhibit.
Up Next: Do fish have cloacas? Get the whole story from our sister orifice in Buckatunna, Mississippi. Film at 11.
